Seven Weeks, Spring Break Plans, and 6 Years

I've been living in Firenze for seven weeks now and it's been a great experience thus far. The weather has been so nice, like it's pretty much spring here already. The food is amazing and I'm definitely developing my cooking skills since we pretty much cook in the apartment every night. The drama/situation in the apartment seems to be settling itself out but then again I don't feel enough time has passed to really gauge it so we'll see about that. I'm excited to go home again but I'm also a little sad thinking about leaving. I just hope someday in my life I can make it back to Italy.

Spring break started on Friday until Sunday the 11th and I'm going to Prague and Amsterdam with two of my housemates, a friend of one of my housemates and her boyfriend who's in CAPA with her. Originally I was going to be going with them to Germany Thursday night but I went to the doctor and I have a sinus infection and I'm malnourished. I took a few days off from traveling to get better because I didn't want to travel in that condition and feel miserable. The sinus infection is A LOT better than it was. The pressure isn't as bad anymore and I'm a little less stuffy. I feel better, health wise I guess. I don't know how to really tell if malnutrition is better. I'm less shaky, less cold, and I seem to have a little more energy so I guess that's better right? I'm going to Prague tonight and I'm meeting up with the rest of the people I'm going with in Prague. I'm really excited and really nervous about going though. I've never actually gone away for spring break or really done anything for a spring break. I'm more nervous about how I'm still going to keep in touch with my family and my boyfriend. I don't know the internet situation in the rest of Europe let alone in Prague or Amsterdam. The last like two days, I've been in like a constant state of panic (oh the joys of anxiety attacks). I get really anxious when I don't get to talk to my family or my boyfriend (I know it sounds silly but it's the truth). I can't help it and I've been so upset about it that I'm not even thinking about how I'm going to two different countries that I've never EVER been to or imagined that I would be going to. I know it may sound silly to everyone but I really love my family and my boyfriend. This is truly the first time my boyfriend and I have been this far away from each other for so long. It hurts and it's frustrating at times but we've made it this far, so I think that's better than most people. I'm going to try and call my family and boyfriend while I'm away for the week but I can't guarantee anything. I have my emergency phone so at least I can make a quick call and say hey I made to wherever and that I'm safe. I just get such anxiety over those things.

Tomorrow is my personal anniversary. I will have not self harmed in six years. It's a little weird to think about it; to think about where I've come from and where I am now. I can't say that I don't have urges because then I would be lying. It's a struggle everyday, especially in overwhelming and stressful times. The rubberband trick is something that worked pretty well for me but I've also taught myself othe ways to deal with it. Music works sometimes but part of the reason I started boxing was so that I didn't have to solely rely on the rubber-bands anymore. It focused those intentions into something else and focused my mind on something else. That's really what I need to do is focus/distract myself from those thoughts and urges. I can't say it always works but more than half the time it does. It's a personal triumph for me and I have all my friends and family to thank for being so supportive and sticking by me in my times of need and helping me along. I also have my boyfriend to thank too. Even though he didn't know me when I was at my worst, we've had many conversations about it and he's seen me use the rubberbands before. He's been with me and stuck by my side (almost 4 years now!) supporting me and helping me. I'm glad I've come this far and I hope and pray (yup, that's right PRAY) that I don't relapse. Even though it's alright if I do slip up, it's not the end all and I know who will be there to catch me fall and help me back up.

So here I am, getting ready for my spring break and a personal triumph all in another country. I'm fortunate enough to have these experiences and they will always be with me no matter what.

BUONA SALUTE!