It's been a long, hard week for me. Besides hurricane Sandy that devastated most of the east coast and east coast shoreline, I had a personal incident.
I haven't been feeling well, mentally and emotionally. I figured it was just burnout but it seems to be more than just that. Tuesday, I texted my friend Karla and, in a way, asked her to come to campus. I told her I had a plan but haven't executed it yet (meaning I had a plan to commit suicide and haven't done it yet). We sat in the Campus Center for about an hour and then she walked me to the counseling center for crisis. I really did not want to go to in-patient. I didn't want to be forced meds and the place up here rally is horrible and so is Oswego hospital. I talked to Maria, one of the counselors here and the one who was on for crisis hours that day. She asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital and if I wanted to go to in-patient. I said no to both because I really didn't want to go anywhere. I just wanted to not do anything academic for a long time. I sat in Maria's office for about an hour just talking. I made a deal stating that I would give Karla all my medicines that I had in my room that I was planning on using and she would give them to the counseling center to hold onto. I had about a half a bottle of melatonin pills to help me sleep and a full bottle of acetaminophen, along with some other things. The counseling center has those things now. What was hard was walking through Wal Mart and not buying those items so I had them again. I still feel that way though; it's not like it went away so it's more than just feeling burnt out this semester. I haven't fully talked about it with, well, anyone really. I mentioned to my boyfriend that day that I might have to go to in-patient and then when I didn't, I let him know. I haven't really talked about it since. I've tried to just get through the rest of this week (I still have a bunch of papers I need to write). I don't know what to do now. I have about a month left of classes and then I graduate and go home. I haven't actually looked for a psychologist/therapist at home and all I have up here is the counseling center. I'm a bit lost and I'm trying to so hard to just get through this semester and just be done with it all. I really don't want to do anything academic for a long freaking time after this semester.
