I haven't written anything in here since the beginning of December and that's partially because I had finals to study for and papers to write before graduation. A whole mess of things have gone down between then and now that's for damn sure.
As of December 15th, 2012 I am officially graduated from SUNY Oswego with a B.A. in Psychology! It was the best and scariest feeling ever. I've bust my ass for two years at that school and had to triumph over so many fucking obstacles and bullshit that seemed to try and get in my way from graduating. My final semester I took 21 credits just to make it out of that fucking place. I FUCKING MADE IT! I'm proud of that and I made it without having to go to an inpatient facility (even though I was close to going to one). I miss all the friends I made there and my Active Minds group. I still keep in touch with them and I am now considered an alumni speaker for the SUNY Oswego Active Minds chapter.
After graduation, shit seemed to go south rather quickly. I decided I was going to take time off from work just for a few weeks. I needed a break to not do anything (especially anything academic) for a while. I felt like I needed a break from everything. I had a hard time adjusting to being home and non-school life to be honest. For a little while I was just carrying on like I was still living in my dorm; not really talking to my dad or my sister and just doing whatever. Bobo got very clingy after graduation. We both had a really rough semester. He couldn't be there for me when I needed him and I couldn't handle him having a breakdown everyday or just not talking to me at all and becoming suicidal. I found solace in my friends at school, one of which was a male. I started to have my doubts about our relationship and my feelings for him. I wasn't getting support from the person that I love so what was I supposed to do? I have my friends from Oswego to thank for getting me through a rough semester, not Bobo and I hate that. When we came back from school and I needed a break, we "broke up" for a few days and then he said he wanted to work things out. I don't have a problem with working things out. I do love him. He's my first and I want him to be my last but I need time in between for myself, to collect myself and get it together. Right now we're on a 'break' which is like being together but not? I guess more than not because I don't see him and I won't really talk to him either. I'm still rather conflicted. I talked to my sister about this and asked if I missed anything from high school, like dating around and shit. He response was that I missed really bad sex and having to hear about Black Ops 24/7. I'm just going through the motions right now and trying to figure shit out. I still need to get my grad school apps done and get those letters of recommendation. I just want everyone's voice to get out of my head so that I can figure this shit out for myself. It's loud in the house of myself.
My best friends mom was in the hospital for a week with bacterial pneumonia. She went in new years eve and she is finally being released today! It's been very hard for them. I went back and forth to the hospital almost everyday so that there was someone there for her and plus no one likes just sitting around in a hospital anyway. It was definitely a busy week. Thankfully she is doing much much better and she is feeling better. The pneumonia is essentially gone but she still has antibiotics to take. I'm just glad everyone is ok.
I'm going to see my one friend from school this weekend. He came down for my birthday/graduation celebration and I did tell him I would come visit before he has to go back to Oswego. I also have this really amazing job interview on Friday at the Mental Health Association of Ulster County. The position it for a residence counselor/case manager for adults recovering from mental illness and substance abuse. I'm so excited I got a callback for an interview!! I just hope I get the job. I'm very grateful that I am able to still be working at the gas station but I need a real job.
There's just so much going on, I feel overwhelmed and tired. Home life is ok, still a little weird but fine and then the shit with Bobo. I'm doing my best to just live and roll with whatever comes my way at this point.
