Hello/Goodbye?

 I was going through my Facebook and I forgot I added the link to this blog. I haven’t written here since 2015 which is crazy. Well I guess here’s a rundown of the last few years. 

A few failed relationships, moving to kingston, several job changes, increased mental illness issues, increased anxiety, bariatric surgery in 2018, skin removal surgery in 2020, current boyfriend since 2021, moved in together at my place in 2023, plans to move to Canada, currently in school for CASAC.

Although, I have thought that I may be becoming more mentally ill and maybe cannot work anymore. I feel like my anxiety is worse and is definitely getting in my way. I don’t really stand up for myself anymore. For some reason I forgot who I am but that’s because I was trying to be less. I was fired yesterday and I can’t figure out what I want to do anymore. 

Send help

To Anything With A Penis

Dear things with a penis,

Why is it that in today's world/society, most males only seem to be looking to get their dick wet? Do females mean that little to you that all they're good for is a good roll in the hay? If that's the case, get used to just your hand and some porn. That's some bullshit. Now, I will admit, I have used several different on-line dating site to which I have found that they are all hook-up sites. I'm tired of this. If a good one does come out of the wood work, it's already doomed to fail because most of the time, males seem to think you're going to put out the first time you meet. What the fuck?! Seriously, if I really want sex, I have no problem finding that. Finding a relationship is a whole other ball game. I'm fucking awesome as shit and I work hard too. If you can't handle that, than you're a fucking joke to begin with. Go fuck yourself you fucking misogynistic cunt. I'm over it at this point.

So my dear, dear males, stop fucking shit up. I know women can do the same but majority is that men are looking to plug a hole and be done. Stop being such fucking pussy where you don't "feel" anything because hey you're getting pussy. I hope the next ass/mouth/pussy you stick your dick in, is infested with something and you catch something contagious.

So It's Been Some Time

Well blog, it's been almost a year since I wrote last. To sum up life, I moved out on my own (again) in September, quit Devereux in March and got a new job. I'm actually ok kind of. I haven't been medicated in over a month cause I have no health insurance and I'm fucking losing it slowly.  On the up side, I met someone wonderful but now I'm having doubts about it.

Life is crazy. I promise to post a video soon.

And Here We Go Again

Beginning Again

So here's where the end is now the beginning. I would just like to state that I have evolved. I have accepted my wrongs and I have apologized for all of them except to the individuals about my suicide attempt which I am not 100% ready to do. Whether people choose to accept this and forgive is on them, not me.

One Month

It's been one month since my hospitalization for my suicide attempt and I am going to link the video for the post I made for everyone here.

One Month

Slow Ride

Slow Ride

I don't feel like writing it all out so here's a link to the video post I made.

Follow the Wind

Well, here we are again contemplating a new job. This job is very mentally draining. Physically I am strong enough to do this job but I need a mental break soon or I am going to lose my mind. When my team director comes back I am going to ask for medical leave for like a week or two just to get my head on track so I can do my job properly. I have been putting applications out there again so hopefully something better will come my way.

My love life is a mess as always. This man Dave is absolutely fantastic but I fucked it up as per usual. We're trying to work on being friends and see what happens from there but my heart really is set on him. I talk to him and text him frequently enough and this past weekend I saw him for a small birthday party thing cause he turned 21 on May 28th. He really is a great man and I fucked it up. Maybe I should just be done dating altogether.

I wish there was a better way to get people out of my head. All the negative and beratement things that have been said/done to me over the years gets stuck in my head and, in turn, I believe it and then fuck things up like relationships. It's hard to keep those things away and out of my head. My dad always says don't let people live rent free in your head. I'm trying, it's just not easy for me.