If you can hear the crappy 80's song in you head, good for you lol!
I have 26 full days and 3 full weekends left in Firenze. There's a ton of stuff I haven't seen yet and to be honest, I rarely have left Firenze. I still have to go to the Accademia museum where the real David is, do Rome, Pompeii, Fiesole, Volterra and maybe even go explore Perugia and Bologna because those are the areas where my great grandmother was from. The reason I haven't really left Firenze is because of money. I need to have some money for when I get home for gas (it's over $4 a gallon in New York right now!) and I legit need some new jeans and shirts because they're either stretched out/too big or I have worn them out! I also need to buy a dress for Sue's wedding in June and a wedding gift. I haven't even finished getting things for my family from Italy yet either. I also need to save about $100 to check my baggage at the airport and for the cab ride to the airport. I'm trying to be responsible about this stuff even though I'm here studying abroad and I should be taking every opportunity to go travel and see what there is to see because I don't know if I'll make it back here anytime soon or ever. I don't like asking my family for money, I really don't. I really thought what I was given before I left and the small amount my mom would send every week for groceries would be enough and I was wrong. I'm not asking for like thousands of dollars here, just to clarify. I think, In total, I've asked for and received an extra like $500 (maybe a little more), obviously not all at once. My grandma is sending me money to go to Rome and Pompeii for a weekend. I don't feel right doing that, especially since my dad is just starting his deli business. I can hear people telling me to act my age or act like a college student but I'm not the typical college student nor am I a typical female/person either. It's working out regardless anyway so I have Rome and Pompeii as a trip coming up. I'm excited about that.
As it stands right now, my mom is almost done painting the deli. I think they just need to get an inspector there to check it out and then it should be all good from there. It should be up and running by the time I get home. I think they moved the soft opening to April 15th so by the 21st everything should be good from there. That's where I'll be working this summer, all summer and anytime I'm home from college or breaks. I don't mind, obviously, and it's kind of good to ease my way out of retail. I love my managers and the friends I've made at Lane Bryant but I can't do minimum wage anymore. I know I won't be getting a whole lot more working at the deli but it's a change of pace and environment. I might still be able to work for Lane Bryant like 2 days a week but that would have happened anyway since it's the summer season and we're usually really slow. I'm super proud of my dad for finally opening the deli and I can't wait to be home and see it in action.
I'm starting to have a hard time dealing with going home. Not that I'm not happy about it but there's just been so much going on at home with family and friends that I kind of feel like it's going to be overwhelming for a little while. One of my friends from Oswego is having some serious issues with her new boyfriend and her roommate. Her boyfriend has borderline personality disorder and she herself has many mental health disorders and she has really sensitive triggers. We were talking about it last night and it made me realize how much of an influence and impact I really have on people. She is going to therapy and so is he and she joined a support group to help her deal and manage with BPD. I just need to know that they're both safe and that no one is going to get hurt or do something they will regret. With the roommate, she isn't paying her half of the rent on time and she's been making it difficult for my friend to have her boyfriend there. Technically, the apartment they live in is my friends. She's been living there for I believe a year. The roommate shouldn't make my friends boyfriend feel uncomfortable or unwelcome in anyway. He has really sensitive triggers too and that's also part of why I'm a little worried about my friend. They doing ok right now but I just worry a lot about her sometimes.
I'm also freaking out about grad schools. For each school, I have to write a 5 page paper about why I want to be a social worker. I suck at writing papers, but it's a topic I like so I should be fine right? Wrong. I'm terrified about writing this damn paper. I should get started on it soon but I just get so nervous and freaked out about it. I wont be going to grad school until the fall of 2013 so I do have some time but I really need to get these applications started and really start to get a bit more serious about it. There's not a whole lot you can do with a B.A. in Psychology so I kind of have to go to grad school. I'm just super nervous about it. I think I have 5 or 6 schools I'm applying to and two of them are really like high level schools. Oh grad school, you're probably going to kill me. Oh well, it's something I have to do so I'm hoping for the best. Wish me luck!
The other part of this is my one sister, Danielle. She had weight loss surgery the beginning of December and she has lost a huge amount of weight already. She really is becoming a new person; a happier, take on life kind of person but I worry that the mental part might not be following all the way. That's a huge thing to do is get the mind and body as one. Would therapy help, most likely but that's up to her. No one can force her to do it. I talk to her every now and then and I know she says shes fine and stuff but there's going to be a wall she hits and somethings gotta give. It's a huge process and it's not an easy one either. There's a difference between being cocky and confident and having too much of either one makes people just uncomfortable to be around. I'm more worried about her new found confidence and that it might cross that line of cocky. I can't handle that. I don't like overly confident and cocky people. Have some modesty and dignity. If anything, I worry that it'll be kind of shoved in my face about all the weight she lost and look at me kind of status. I know she'll read this and be surprised by it. I'm the youngest sister and I don't exactly voice these things a lot but when I do, it seems to come as a shock to everyone, except for Ra I think. So here it is, in black and white, my fears and opinions of my one older sister who we're all so proud of for doing what she has done.
I also have my fears about my own relationship when I get home. We did kind of talk about it the other night so I'm a little better now but my fear was that he wasn't going to love me the same when I got home because we've been apart for almost 4 months. I know, it sounds so silly to, well probably anyone who reads this, but it's true. That's how I felt and of course I struggled to tell him that. As long as we get to keep talking like we have been since I've been here, we'll be fine and we'll continue to do the same when I get home (he'll still have a few more weeks of school left when I get home). It'll probably be more frequent but we'll still have that open line of communication. It's just going to be sad because I'll only get to see him for part of that Saturday and Sunday. He did say that we would come home on the weekends to see me or I can go up and see him for the few weeks he'll have left in his semester. The point is, it'll all work out and we really are fine. I don't want to be that girl who needs the constant reminders from her boyfriend but I am right now and I hate myself for it.
So, there it is, in writing. My time in Firenze is almost done. Readjusting to home life it's going to take some time and everything else kind of just falls into place, maybe even a little askew. So here's to the last month in Firenze, to the friends I've made here, and the unforgettable experiences I'll carry with me for the rest of my life.
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