February 15th, 2014, my cousin Laurie died. She had a heart attack. After years of anorexia, alcoholism, and heroine and drug abuse and being clean and sober for at least the last two years, she dies of a heart attack. I still can't believe she's dead. My sister was going to go have lunch with her that Monday. My sister and I used to joke that we would read about her death on facebook. Well, we didn't read it on facebook. My mom called me that Sunday while I was at work to tell me. I don't know if I'm more angry or sad. Probably a combination of both. I took a week off from work to attend services for my cousin and to be with my family. Everyone is a wreck and Laurie's birthday is March 23rd. She would have been 36. It's just so surreal and I just don't know what to do with myself. I just keep working and that's all I seem to ever do is work. I haven't had a real moment to process everything. I may not get that opportunity.
Jessica is engaged and is getting married December 13th of this year. At least we have time to plan this one. Also Rachel and Kurt are finally engaged but they're not getting married for another 6 years because Ra wants to get her doctorate first. Plenty of time to plan that wedding and save for it.
I'm giving up on relationships. My ex wants us to get back together but he still has to get his shit together. This guy Dave has a lot going on; a full time job and full time school so he doesn't have time for me even though he says I'm not a stressor but whatever. There's a guy at work who wants to sleep with me and one of my best friends still wants to sleep with me even though he has a girlfriend. I'm not doing anything to attracted this kind of attention. I'm just being me and working my ass off. I'm just done with everything right now. I'm lonely up here. I want someone who isn't going to be intimidated by my job and can actually have a conversation with me and will evolve with me. I'm just over it, over everything. I just want to stay in bed for months and forget the world.
No comments:
Post a Comment