BUONA PASQUA!

It means Happy Easter in Italian and I hope everyone has a wonderful Easter!

I'm sad that I wasn't able to spend Pesach or Easter with my family this year. I was really upset Friday when the internet in the apartment decided to die right before I was going to skype with my family like I usually do and it was Pesach (Passover). I got to talk to my parents yesterday and I'll be skyping with my entire family again for Easter! I'm excited for that. I know they're going to celebrate all the end of March/beginning of April birthdays today at Easter. It's weird not being home for the holidays and what's worse is that Grandpa Bob isn't here. Usually we go to their apartment for the first or second night of Passover and Grandpa Bob always made some kind of religious joke or would say "Let's just eat!" and that wasn't there this year. It's hard to think about and deal with. He's only been gone for 6 months and it's just been really difficult to deal with. My grandma seems lost without him here and I'm in Italy. I mean there wouldn't be a lot I could do if I were home cause I'd be in Oswego but I could manage to take a train or dirve down there for a weekend. It's just kind of heavy.

Easter here in Italy is interesting. The weather sucks today though; it's all rainy and gross out. I did get to go to the Duomo and witness this medieval tradition called carro del fuoco or fire carriage. There's this huge procession of people dressed up in medieval costumes with instruments and stuff. They walk in front of the Duomo and pretty much put of this ceremony. At the end, they wheel in this huge carriage lined with firecrackers and fireworks. The arch bishop says a prayer, blesses the crowd and the carriage and then they set off the carriage. It was so cool! Really loud but really cool. It's an interesting tradition and since Ester is the holiday here, there were a ton of reporters and camera crews there for the celebration. It's a little weird though because the whole city pretty much shuts down today and tomorrow (Easter Monday). It's not something I'm used to but it's definitely an experience.

On another note, two of our housemates moved out. I know, with so little time left what's the point? Well, there was an altercation between some of the other housemates and things got intense and threatening rather quickly so CAPA decided to move two of them out. The whole energy of the apartment changed after that. It's whatever at this point. I really can't be bothered with stuff like that. We're supposed to be somewhat adults so why can't we all just be somewhat civil towards each other? Whatever though, there's too little time left to think about that stuff right now.

I know I'm adding this a little later than I originally posted but it just occurred to me. Since I've been living in Firenze, I don't have the American ideals of beauty plastered in my face on a daily basis and I haven't watched television in 4 months either. There is an Italian standard and ideal but for whatever reason I don't feel like I have to or need to succumb to it (and that's not because I'm leaving in two short weeks). I also haven't had any physical contact with my boyfriend in that same amount of time nor have I really felt like I get the encouragement from him either. Yes, he does tell me I'm beautiful and so on and so forth but it doesn't feel like it's the same as when I home but then again that could just be me being paranoid. Lately I've been in such a funk about my appearance and my body issues. I did have a short struggle with an eating disorder when I was at UCCC, and there are times when I feel like starving myself is the better solution. As much as I am proud of my sister Danielle for her weight loss surgery and the great progress she's made, I get this almost backlash feeling. Mostly on myself and how I feel. It's rather hard to explain actually without sounding like I'm not supporting her. I end up feeling like I need to do the same thing or like now I'm the fat, ugly one. I turn confidence into cockiness and over-confidence turns to that anyway so I end up feeling like shit. I can understand how she wants to brag about her progress and where she's come from, but for me it feels more shoved in my face as to say 'hey I'm skinny now and the world is better this way'. Once again, it's hard to explain without it sounding like I hate my sister for what she's going through and that's not even close to what it is. I'm so proud of her and the decision she made to have the surgery and the amount of weight she's lost pretty much since I've been in Italy. It's a really difficult thing to explain and I know this is not going to come across as I want it to so I'll just leave it at that.

I leave Firenze in 13 days! I'm excited to go home and also sad to leave Firenze. It's a mixed bag at this point. I sometimes feel like a lot of the bullshit I endured from CAPA and some of the people here will over shadow my experiences here. I'm trying not to let that get to me but it's hard. I can't wait to be home and see everyone! I hope everyone is doing well!

Ciao <3